Sunday, February 02, 2014
For as long as I could grasp the concept of death, it has haunted my waking moments.
It creeps up randomly: when I'm laughing; when I'm brushing my teeth; when I'm angry; when I'm slightly drunk on wine, when I'm facing tremendous stress at work; when I'm out dancing... But more often than not, the thought comes knocking when I'm alone in bed at night. In darkness, in silence, when the mind has none of the daily grind to distract itself with... it wanders.
And in dreams - ever since I was young, I've been having dreams about dying. Waking up to find that none of it is real, that I have once again 'escaped', brings tremendous relief. But only short-lived, for I know that one day, it will no longer be a dream.
One day, death will beckon, and I will have no choice but to follow.
I wish I could find solace in religion, in concepts like the after-life and reincarnation. But no matter how hard I try they still seem to me like fairy-tales invented to appease the human terror of dying.
I often wonder if people can find it in themselves to be cruel to others, to cause unhappiness and pain and suffering, if they share the same belief as I do - the belief that you only live once.
Once is all you, and everyone else, will ever have.
And after that, nothing.
..signing off..
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