Saturday, August 12, 2006
I got into a fight tonight. Over the phone, words and no fists, but a fight nevertheless. I think (notwithstanding random inevitable squibbles with my bros) that I've never actually fought with anyone before. Tonight... I don't know... Wow.
Am sitting in front of the comp with a pair of awesomely bassy headphones on, a block of half-eaten chocolate (my salvation) laying on my desk, and a bottle of vodka (my god) by my side. It feels rather comforting to spend tonight alone like this. But then, if I really thought that, I wouldn't be attempting to reach out to all of you guys in this blog. Damn I'm in a strange mood now. Maybe it's the vodka.
No excuses though, for the fight. We were both in the wrong. He said some horrible things, I said some horribler (excuse the word) things. It is rather funny though (funny now, infuriating then), when we started dredging out things that happened millennias ago ago and pin them on each other ("your stupidity caused all the dinosaurs to become extinct!"). Yeah, I know, bringing dinosaurs into the conversation just doesn't quite cut it.
I hung up. Just to make it end. The lifeless beeps of a deadened line are the harshes sounds in the world, have you ever noticed? I didn't know what to say anymore. So I pulled out the headphones and the chocolate and the vodka. And that is when the regret hits. Hard.
But how to apologise? Everytime I look at the phone I see this frowning goblin holding a sign that says "Why do YOU have to say sorry first? What about HIM?" And my outstreched hand springs back. This has been going on for the whole night. 12 am, 1am, and so forth. It can go on forever...
... forever is such a very long time....
...
So at the end of the world, the end of time, when the seas drain through monstrous cracks and mountains sink into dark oblivion, I'm still going to be sitting hunched over my desk staring doubtfully at the phone debating with the goblin about whether or not to call. *Insert swear word here* !!!!!! What kind of miserable stuff-up am I? I've certainly been displaying some alarmingly moronic tendencies lately. I need to get a hold of myself. Rambling sure does clear the mind. I'm going to do it more often.
To hell with pride, I'm calling.
..signing off..
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